Right at this moment, if I let myself, I could have a catastrophic meltdown in public like I’ve seen happen before. But I’ve learned from them and won’t be repeating those mistakes.

However, right now I’m feeling seriously left out from the cool kids group.

Right now, a number of folks in my insular, incestuous Twitter circle (something I’ve been working on how to fix, and which I know contributes to this problem), are participating one of several BIG THINGS that I wanted to do at some point in the past few weeks.

All of them are having AMAZING! insights and forging WONDERFUL! new relationships and creating new bonds and speaking in a language that’s sorta recognizable but not really. And they haven’t yet reached the real meat of their courses/classes/in-person thingies.

Right now those cool kids have been able to dig up money that I’m allocating for something else that’s happening almost 9 months from now. But they’re doing AWESOME! stuff right now and I’m watching with my nose pressed up the twitter glass.

I can’t begrudge them their enthusiasm.

I’m sure I’d be singing in their chorus if I were there.

But I’m not.

And I feel like I’m in high school again.

And I know it’s all my stuff.

It definitely doesn’t help that I launched my thing at the same time they launched their significantly higher priced things and I feel like an ant waving my tiny little flag for attention over there in the corner while there’s fanfare and hoopla all around me that’s thousands of times my size.

I know it’s all my stuff.

Even though I’ve made the decision to save up for something I think will do me and my business the best good, I’m still an impatient 5 year old than wants all the fun stuff now.

Yep. Most definitely my stuff.

I could name names and point fingers and act like the victim, but that diminishes the amazingness of everyone else around me and makes me look like a fool.

So I relax, breathe deep, and remember why I made the decision to pass on all the other awesomes in the first place.

I’m waiting for something bigger.

I’m waiting for something that will be the best for me.

And I breathe deep once more, fight back the tears from all the memories of being an outcast in school, remember I’m not there anymore, and realize that I’m aiming for something big. Something that only I can create. And this requires that I hold off for now, learn how to delay my gratification, learn to trust my instincts and go forward with this plan of mine.

And I think my own thing will be better for it.

Some of the folks offering solidarity during this time of frenzied launches:

• Fabeku: Concussion Grenade Marketing (warning: video & some language)
• Bridget: her series on the aspirational market  - A Piece of Shit Plus Velocity, or, The Aspirational Market; The Hot Frog and the Avalanche, Or, How Hucksters Get You to Buy; Putting a Ring on It. (warning: some suggestive content)
• Ilana: How to feel happy when you’re broke and hopeless (warning: language)

As you can see this kind of thing stirs up all sorts of strong emotions couched in strong language…