Alexia Petrakos

*Originally posted at The Black Sheep Project*

This week’s near-breakdown is brought to you by the “OMGthisisreallyhappeningwhathaveigottenmyselfinto” brand of Fear.

I took a pretty big leap this week with my new venture. Both thanks to my coach and my lovely new accountability group.

In the span of 5 days I went from having a vague idea of what it would look like to an almost fully-fleshed out vision and two venues to share my ideas with the world.

Or at least my corner of the great state of Georgia.

For now…

My first inklings of fear began last Monday after the call with my coach. It was held back for a while by the wonder and nostalgia of “Where the Wild Things Are” but quickly came flooding back when I was home.

And the chorus of my Venomous Toad Committee* began:

“Congratulations, you now have a ‘thing.’ That means you actually have to DO something. No more daydreaming about how awesome a new thing would be. What if you fail? What if they laugh at you? What if you never get a client/cent from this new thing? Is it even worth the effort? Are you up to the task? Really? You sure you’re not just going to fail like everything else you’ve tried?”

Normally this would have ended with me disintegrating into a pile of worthless goo.

Instead I held them off by quickly falling asleep and dealing with it later. (My Superpower is being able to sleep when I need to, no matter what inner turmoil I’m facing. Drives the husband nuts.)

The next time the croakers resurfaced was after a very positive and supportive email from the guy who agreed to offer his place to hold a meetup based around my new thing and help in any way he can.

All the same questions came rushing back in a whirl of awfulness.

And me turning into a pile of goo was imminent.

Instead of melting down, I wrote down all the questions and all the accusations and all the fear-based comments that were swirling in my head. With a fountain pen, of course.

Everything looks better written with a fountain pen.

Then I examined each one. Asked myself what the truth was, and what I needed to not be afraid.

Four pages later and I think I squashed ‘em all.

Pile of goo averted.

It’s normal to experience fear and doubt in ourselves and our ideas when we start moving towards something new.

Countering each fear with the truth, with a solution to the question, transforms that energy into something more positive.

I know the toads are resilient suckers. They’ll be back.

And I’m ready. Are you?

photo credit: darrenlewis1984
**”Venomous Toad Committee” coined by the fantastic feisty female, Sheri Gaynor

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