Yeah. Video.
So here’s my very first video blog. vlog. Dude, that word just stinks.
Anywho, I’m riffing off of several others who have been exposing themselves and getting real with video.
No point actually, but I explain why I’m doing video and why I think it’s important. Eloquence be damned. 
I was making spaghetti sauce the other night. I grabbed an onion.
The skin went in to the actual onion, about three layers deep.
“Freaky Onion,” I muttered.
“Sounds like a band name…” Said hubs.
I started chopping and said “Freakin’ Onion” because they were wreaking havoc on my eyes.
Hubs said “That’s it! The Freakin’ Onions!”
As I continued chopping, some fell on the floor.
“Crap! I’m losing half my freakin’ onion!”
Hubs asked “Is the band breaking up?”
“Yes. The drummer and bass player eloped and never came back. I heard they formed a new band in Vegas called the Wild Onions.”
Continuing chopping…
“My eyes are burnin’. That’s the title track”
“Tears are streamin’ down my face. The hit single.”
“Chop ‘em right or Gordon Ramsey’s gonna have a coronary. That’s the B-side.”
“I’m here all week….”
Hubs is oddly silent.
“I thought I was funny… did I take it too far?”
Hubs: “Yep.”
“You started it!”
Hubs: “Yep.”
Thus ends my stint as a kitchen comedian…
Anywho, I have a leetle announcement to make. I am a guest lecturer for Catherine Caine’s Awesome Website Extravaganza (AWE for short)! I think my module goes live in October, but you can sign up for the whole shebang using my handy-dandy affiliate link. Yep. You sign up, you create a rockin’ website, and you help me too! Sweet eh?
Have a loverly weekend you awesome person you!
photo credit: Danielle Scott
© photo credit: wildxplorer
After watching Charlie Gilkey’s video blog on two reasons why structure gives people the hives, I gave it much thought. Structure has a history of giving me the hives and my last attempt at instituting such a thing (the structure, not the hives) failed miserably. And I think this is why…
Twitter version: Irrational fear of Rules & Structure requires reframing. Structure = Support Systems. Yay. I can do that.
As a kid I was the one who would always follow rules. If there were none, I’d make them up. I held myself to such a high standard that even the slightest slip-up would make me break down into a fit of tears.
Since my parents were disappointed when I didn’t perform perfectly & measure up, I was furious and beat myself up for failing so miserably if I got anything less than perfect. More is better, right?
So fast-forward to college…
Still very much forming my own identity, yet still very much my parent’s daughter, but no one was breathing down my neck for the first time, ever. No one cared if I went to class, no one was particularly bothered about my grades, and my parents really didn’t have to know if I didn’t do too well on an assignment, although final grades were a point of contention at times.
By the end of college, I learned to deal with less-than-perfect and even abject failure, and I’m still breathing. But I learned a valuable lesson: I should never try to take on serious thinky-classes at 8am, especially computer programming.
Yes all this does have a point.
I loved them as a kid and now I don’t.
My years working for other people showed me how against my nature it is to pursue someone else’s goals.
Working for a company made me anonymous, stifled, and shoved me into a box that someone else made. My autonomy was stripped, I was told what to do and when and how long and tethered to a desk even though I was done with my work and then expected to go ask for more work. (I know not everyone feels this way about their jobs.)
So I quit being an employee.
My days are mine to do what I wish. No one to answer to, but the bill collectors.
However, things aren’t exactly going the way I thought they would…
I know my years working in the corporate world really soured me on structure. Other-imposed structure is a bitch.
I know in my head that if I impose structure on my days, I’m not relinquishing my autonomy. But the teenager in me says “Yeah, right” while rolling her eyes.
I know that if I work at finding the right system for me, for how I work, that allows for my need to learn, do, create, think, read, and all the other stuff that fulfills me, I won’t be removing any ounce of my autonomy. Instead of flitting from one thing to the next as my whims take me (or not), I’ll actually get things done.
But there’s a monster in my head that makes me run away screaming from structure because I don’t want to lose myself in the structure.
© photo credit: x-ray delta one
This is a recurring theme and the reason why I will probably never work for anyone else again.
I’ve worked hard on extricating my self from the mounds of expectations and ideals and perfectionisms and all that stuff that I’m really wary of stepping back into structure. It’s a smidgen irrational, but fears usually are.
Now I’ve identified my fear, and I realize that in order for me to fully realize who I am and what I can do, I need to find some kind of system, however it looks, to support me. It won’t stifle me and won’t make me a mindless automaton because really, I don’t think anything can actually do that short of mind-zapping aliens…
Rules: Eh. I can take ‘em or leave ‘em.
Structure: Sorta warming up to that word but not quite.
Support Systems: Most definitely. I like support. I know I need it. So this is what I’m going to call the structure in place that helps me do the stuff that I want to do.
I think this will work. Support systems instead of structure or rules or methods or anything else that sounds too much like giving up my self.
I know I’m not the only one who bristles at rules and structure. If you’re one of them, how do you deal? How do you handle the necessity for some sort of system with your independence/individuality/autonomy?
Aug 24
I’ve been teaching a class on marketing and business for artists at a local studio the past 3 weeks. I have 3 wonderful students, each one doing something completely different and they’re soaking up the information like sponges. I love it when light bulbs pop up during class.
I think they’re helpful, and so do my students, so to thank you for being such an awesome reader, I’m going to give you these handouts. Four in all.
Each one is around four pages with three of them instructive and informative and the last page is a worksheet to help you apply the information to your business.
Here’s the first one: Marketing is not a Dirty Word. It’s an introduction to marketing, concepts and how to de-ickify the whole concept of selling your stuff, a small eye-opener about what’s really involved with marketing.
Let me know what you think in the comments! (and don’t forget to share this resource with anyone you think may find it helpful 
)
photo credit: smoodysarah
So…
I’m here.
And I haven’t written a word in weeks (tweets don’t really count…).
With my mom-in-law passing away and all that comes with it (and things I never thought would come with it), the brain’s been working at less-than-optimal.
But through all this, it’s been super-clear that my friends, both on and offline, are absolutely amazing people.
To those 5 gals who don’t read my blog but are my very good friends, thanks for the 5-hour breakfast this week.
To my friends who are sort of online and may possibly come across this post, thank you for being there, checking in and holding hope when we couldn’t.
And to my twitter friends, thanks for your sympathy and outpouring of love. I’d list you all, but I think I’d be here ’till tomorrow afternoon. You know who you are. I’d hug you if I could.
Thanks especially to @CatherineCaine & @caffeinatedelf for listening to me this week and bringing some life back into me.
And of course I can’t forget my sister who makes me laugh every single time she calls. We turn into giggly 10 and 12 year olds when we talk. We’re even worse when we’re together. Can’t wait to see her soon.
I’m so grateful for all of you.
Thanks.
photo credit: UvaFragola
This past weekend I decided it was time to dye my hair.
No, not to cover up the grey, although I have a few strands plus a patch on the back of my head. It’s small enough, thankfully, to be covered up by the rest of my hair. It’s a family trait apparently. Before my dad went mostly grey, I could pick him out in a crowd by the white patch on the back of his head.
I digress…
I dyed a streak of hair at the front of my head purple this past Saturday night. Ultraviolet to be exact.
Here’s proof:
Yeah... No longer 20. The bags prove it.
My husband (then boyfriend) introduced me to dyeing my hair unnatural colors in the late 90s. So why did I decide to do this again in my 30′s?
I don’t have a “real job” that pressures me to look a certain way, so that gives me a lot of leeway.
But I didn’t do it just for kicks.
I’ve been feeling a bit lost and out of sorts and slightly bored lately and needed something to remind me of who I am. Something I can see daily to ground myself. A reflection of the independent, slightly eccentric, creative person I am. Not to mention I keep seeing older women with my hair cut and I get a bit edgy when I feel I’m looking too much like everyone else.
And it’s way less painful than a tattoo. Although I’m thinking of getting one of those, too.
Which got me thinking about staying grounded and remembering who you are… and then I remembered I actually wrote about this and won something cool because of it.
And then I though about why I haven’t written anything about it since.
I cried when I wrote that. I cried when I read it again.
I don’t think I’ve ever cried writing something before.
And I know that means something big. And it freaks me out.
Not quite sure yet what the something big is, but I think I’ll keep writing about it to find out.
So until then…
I’d love it if you left a comment. Thanks
This weekend was my husband’s turn to lead the worship band at church. He wanted me to sing two songs on Sunday as well as play bass, which I normally do. I happily agreed, but when he showed me the second song, I crumbled.
My singing voice is very much alto. I’m comfortable there. It’s easy and it sounds good.
The song he wanted me to sing was in a key that hits the top of my range. There’s one note I have to reach waaay up to the tippy top of my voice to sing, where I’m SO not comfortable (technically, my head voice).
He tried to make the song easier for me by changing the key so it would fit my range. Finally after six key changes he said “Forget it, you’re singing it in C. If I move it anywhere else, no one will be able to sing along.”
My heart sank. I cried because it was hard. I could do it but I was stretching myself vocally more than I had in a long time.
Practice on Saturday was rough. I got through the song and reached all the notes, although a little weak and warbly.
Sunday practice right before the service was a disaster. My voice cracked all over the place and when I tried to hit that high note, nothing came out. I was banned from coffee (which dehydrates you — not good for the vocal cords), ordered to drink tons of water and some nasty-ass Throat Coat tea, and not to sing harmony at all until I sang that one song.
All the band members came to me and told me I’d do fine, that I did it in practice the day before, that they knew I could do it. My husband hugged me and said he believed in me.
I cried from the stress of needing to get it right. I cried because it was hard and scary and I was about to completely screw up a beautiful song in front of the entire church.
I got up on stage with my bass in the back right corner right next to the drums. You really can’t see me on stage unless you’re sitting on the far right (that’s stage right).
I had two bottles of water on top of my bass amp, one half-full. The set started and I warmed up my voice by humming along instead of singing harmonies. Took sips of water when my hands were free.
Then the song came up. The one. I hit those notes humming during the intro to test out my voice. I took a deep breath and breathed in the energy of the people in front of me, the confidence I didn’t have from wherever I could find it and I opened my mouth to sing the first note.
It worked. I sang. I hit every note. I did it. And it felt good.
The moral of this story is:
I didn’t.
I had been drinking coffee like I normally do every morning and dried out my vocal cords on Sunday. That’s a recipe for disastrous singing. Strike 1.
I also didn’t warm up that much before I got to practice on Sunday. Because I still feel like a dork doing those vocal warm-up exercises. Strike 2.
And I was nervous as hell because I didn’t believe I could hit those notes. Strike 3.
When you break through the scary and do something amazing, it feels way better than cowering in a corner, never doing anything…
♥ ♥ ♥
If you’re doing something that’s scary (and if you’re not, why not?) be good to yourself. When I did the things I should have done to begin with, I did the scary and did it well.
Sleep well. Drink lots of water. Eat well. Get yourself moving. Surround yourself with cheerleaders and people who believe in you.
And believe that you already have everything you need to do that scary thing. Because you do.
Have you done anything scary lately? Something that’s stretched you outside your comfort zone? How’d you do it?
♥ ♥ ♥
p.s. One thing I neglected to mention is that I’m technically half-deaf. I was born with a 50% hearing loss in both ears (funny how they call it a loss when you were born without it) because of underdeveloped nerves in my head. You wouldn’t know it unless I told you. So I’m telling you.
p.p.s. Here’s the song I sang. The lyrics were altered to “thank you for loving me, thank you for hearing me, thank you for finding me, thank you for healing me, thank you for saving me” by David Crowder. Originally by Sinéad O’Connor.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mj_xKA5C2vU
photo credit: JanPeder Flood http://www.sxc.hu/profile/janpeder
I’m a week into The Artist’s Way with a fabulous group of ladies. We meet every Friday at a sweet little coffee house down the road.
I did my morning pages every day, took myself on an artist date to Michael’s for some window (and not-so-window) shopping for brushes.
And I found myself back at my visual journal. I missed it so much, but didn’t realize it until I was back painting and stamping and writing and drawing…
It’s been a while since I did my weekly link roundup, so here’s a quick sampling of what’s been making my brain buzz lately:
You only get paid what you think you’re worth: I love Dave. In a very plantonic way of course, but he hits where it hurts (but where it’s needed). I’m in the process of re-evaluating all my services and businesses and stuff and figuring out what to do, and pricing is at the very top of it all.
The Vocation Myth: Sometimes I think that if I found that one thing that I knew I was destined to do and I did it, that life would be all rainbows and unicorns. Then I realize that it’s a worthless pursuit. Mainly because the finding takes away so much energy from the doing. And it’s in the doing that you find. Right? Besides, who said you have to have only ONE thing?
Are you your own dream zapper?: If there’s one thing that I’ve learned in the past few years is that I’m my own worst enemy. Chances are, if you’re trying to make a change and haven’t yet, you’re zapping your own dreams. Ash outlines the five biggest excuses you use to discourage yourself from chasing after your dreams.
So what’s been tickling your neurons? Leave a comment with the post that made you think the most this week.
Have a lovely weekend! I’m off to see my Artist Way gals and drink some coffee…
photo credit: NomadicLass
The other day my husband shocked me with a rather deep, insightful conversation about his priorities. About what he spends his time & energy on versus what makes him the happiest.
He broke it down into 4 areas:
He then asked himself what makes him happy.
Since all of those things make him happy to some extent, he rephrased the question: “What makes me happy for the longest time?”
And he came up with his order:
Then he thought about what life looks like now and where he’s spending the most energy & time.
It’s the last item on his list. The thing that makes him happy for the shortest amount of time.
And it got him asking more questions:
My husband is change-averse. This is what really threw me for a loop.
He got me thinking. My list looks like this:
So how about you? How do you order these happiness conditions? And what do you need to do or change to bring more of what makes you happiest into your life?
Photo Credit: Christa Richert http://www.sxc.hu/profile/Ayla87
Jul 5
Hello to you who made it here by way of my winning entry on the Freak Revolution today!
One thing I discovered in writing that entry was if I cry when writing something, it’s important. Important to me, and important to share.
But I was a little hesitant in sending it in. After all, it was flying in the face of everything I’ve been taught over the past 30ish years.
Then I realized the importance of what I wrote. The necessity of changing minds (including my own) and thoughts and ways of being.
So I hit the “send” button.
Don’t be afraid of writing from your heart.
Don’t be afraid of bleeding all over the page.
Chances are what you have to say is necessary and real and important.
Keep writing…
